Sometimes - and that's to mean in between the minutes that I've been struggling in front of the PC for several days now - I feel ashamed of myself. I don't know what's wrong with me, I don't want to work. Suddenly, all passion for working some of my closest friends have known me for had gone.
I'm getting lazy - not simplistic and generic laziness (for anything with semblance of human occupation), but that kind of laziness that makes useless oafs out of men. And when I do try to get back to working - usually accompanied with very stern mental schoolmarmish reprimanding - my mind goes blank, my eyes blur. Then I go back to the Internet, clicking here and there, but not really absorbing anything. Just bored reading and watching.
Online, I haven't been too bored and lazy, in fairness. (But NO, I've not been searching hungry for hook-ups.) After a Board meeting with TLF SHARE couple of weeks back, I realized I haven't lately been following through some potentials for our online presence. So I've finally succeeded in moving our website to Wordpress, placed in some initial profile info already. I've also checked out and tested Amazon.com's aStore feature - this one, I've remembered doing after our discussions about re-starting studies for other funding channels. But not much happened by way of the site I'm maintaining for AP-Rainbow; I couldn't find myself to finish that posting on post-8th ICAAP report-back.
I guess what I find most amazingly difficult now is writing. I couldn't get into - er - the "groove" again. Like, I have several topics in mind for this blog since coming back from Colombo. But I couldn't get on with it; after the three-parter on Changi airport, the Muse went and took an extended yosi break (or probably sneaked and made out with some Grecian deity). And heaven knows I've tons of writing that needed to be done for my mostly e-mail-based, BPO-analogous APR coordinator portfolio.
Offline, my social scene wasn't a tad boring, however. September seemed to be chock-full of social commitments. My desk calendar was full of birthday parties and such-and-such, it's almost scandalous to have it placed beside an ever-rising unattended paperwork. Though it seems to appear as such, I'm NOT REALLY complaining (*smile*). My beer intake for the past weeks have caused my alcohol tolerance to rise significantly. I'm usually buzzed on the third bottle of San Mig Light (ergo light social drinker). On the last night out with Gregg, Patpat, Eon, Ralph and new-found pal Allen, I was already on my sixth and not an iota of buzz brimmed. But not without consequence: late last week, I was too often feeling nauseous and weak. I'm convinced that there must even a point when briefly my temperature went up (party hardy, I'm definitely not anymore).
There's no particular point in writing this blog - indirectly, I think I'm still assured I still have a bit of command over the written language. I guess I'm being somewhat pseudo-scientific here: if I could write-cum-explore what's going with me right now, maybe - just maybe - I could succeed in exorcising that gluttonous, sloth-like something that's keeping me unproductive. Besides, I'm my friend Oliver's fiercest faithful of his word - blogging is "way cheaper than therapy." But just don't ask me immediately if it's working.
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