Belated toast for Doc Marlyn

Kabaliw. Pero slight lang. When I tried to appraise the many, many ways friendships have influenced my life last year, I didn’t realize how hard the task would become. Siyempre, there were the considerations like how long could I sustain writing this. Gaano ba talagang ka-exhaustive ang willing ako isulat? (Baka kailanganin ko pa ng notes at outlining.) Tapos, yung considerations of not letting on too much at baka maghasik pa ko ng timba-timbang intriga. And that’s the last thing I wanted for this particular blogpost - ang gumawa ng isyu. (Sa case ni best friend Gregg, all considerations apply… *laughs*)

- - - - - - - - - -

Pero sige, eto muna: kung may isang event na nag-emote ako nang husto (deep inside at hindi naman masyadong a la Maricel Soriano school of acting circa 1980’s) ay yung despedida of one whom I consider almost my "nanay" in my field of work. Siya si Doc Marlyn.

When I started taking on the executive director post sa TLF, Doc has just assumed the work of country coordinator for UNAIDS. Medyo malakas ang buzz about her assuming the position - she’s generally well liked and respected in the NGO community, she’s undeniably esteemed for her contributions in HIV and AIDS work in the country.

Naalala ko pa nung una ko siya na-meet; I was invited to a meeting with a researcher na may collaboration with UNAIDS. We were identifying challenges in HIV and AIDS work. Lively ang discussions at medyo na-overwhelm ako, hindi ako agad makapagsalita, palibhasa, neophyte. Madalas sa meeting, siya ang nag-raise ng MSM issues with matching eye contact and acknowledgment of my presence. I thought, oh my gulay, ang thoughtful naman ng lola ko.

Then, na-involve ako sa iba pang UNAIDS initiatives, partikular yung Universal Access. Halos nag-nosebleed na naman ako to catch up. When we were on our way to the regional consultation in Pattaya, she took time to level with me and orient me, probably sensing how much of this I was still trying to catch up. Nakakabaliw sa meeting na to, sa relatively sophomoric personality ko, I ended up delivering a plenary speech on behalf of civil society. (I was there representing AP-Rainbow, which is a regional LGBT network.)

As for her motherly presence in my professional life, siguro ang pinaka-significant sa kin ay during the 8th ICAAP. Harassed ako sa conference; that time, I was coordinator for AP-Rainbow. Maraming bagay sa conference ang pinagtulungan naming mga regional civil society networks, on top of organizing our own satellite session. On one stressful day, paglabas ko sa isang nakakawindang na meeting, I was feeling weak-kneed. Nagkita kami ni Doc sa labas ng meeting room; kahit obviously very busy sya, she took time to show her sunshiney smile at kamustahin ako. I said I needed a reassuring hug, at agad offer naman sya. Ang sarap ng feeling… it was a hug of a friend and a mom. Ang laking bagay ng gesture na ito for me; self-esteem ko gula-gulanit at the time.

During 8th ICAAP ko nabalitaan ang pending cross-posting nya. She was to be reassigned to UNAIDS Nepal. Wala pa kong concrete reaction sa balita then, until that moment she offered a hug. I suddenly felt like a losing a very good friend. And this feeling wore on hanggang sa surprise despedida party sa kanya.

Ang saya saya ng despedida… salamat na rin kay Joel (kaibigan ng UNAIDS, trainer extraordinaire in and out of the country, at co-trustee ko sa TLF). Malungkot pa rin ako noon, though, I tried hard na hindi ipahalata ito kay Doc. I silently admonished myself for feeling too saddened (hindi naman daw ito pamamaalam sa buhay noh!). Malakas ang paniwala ko na malaking benefit si Doc for UNAIDS Nepal. I hoped then - as I still do now - that Doc Marlyn could inspire HIV workers in Nepal much in the same way she did for me at sa marami ko pang kasamahan sa trabaho.

- - - - - - - - - -

Wala sa "timing" ang pagsulat ko ng blogpost na ito (actually lampas na). Pero this has been part of my blogging to-do list last year pa. Towards end of 2007, I was again not feeling too good at how I’ve worked. Whenever that bad feeling set in, I often tried to ask myself, "ano ba ang maaring sabihin ni Doc sa mga ganitong sitwasyon?" That usually eased the heaviness. Even when physically she’s not around, she continues to make me feel better.